THE ENIGMA OF THE CHATTY INTROVERT, Part 2

When Carl Jung coined the terms ‘extrovert’ and ‘introvert’ in the early 20th century, he explained that the distinction between the two lies mainly in the fact that ‘introverts get exhausted by social interaction, while extroverts get anxious when left alone. Introverts need solitude in order to recharge, while extroverts draw energy from socializing.’ This means that I’m neither a typical extrovert, nor a typical introvert since I like socializing as much as alone time.

Let’s scan my life in the past few months to prove why I don’t see eye to eye with a Swiss to the core. You see, I have been taking more pleasure in solitary than social activities lately (which wasn’t really voluntary. I’m a mom, remember?) However, if I were given a chance to engage in any kind of social gathering, I would accept it unquestioningly. By this, I did not mean going out with my girlfriends for a coffee in broad daylight, where everything is familiar and safe. I meant more like hitting a bar or a disco totally alone after midnight, mingling, drinking gin & tonics, sparking up a conversation with bartenders and bouncers, dancing and chatting with total strangers (I didn’t say chatting them up, so stop moralizing! Even if I had, don’t look so shocked, Nigel!) No, I don’t feel guilty for saying this, which makes me an atypical mom, I guess. I just wanted to show you that I’m not afraid of social encounters nor am I insecure or shy. (Then I’m more extroverted, right?) Yes, I would surely be energized by being surrounded by lots of people for a change. But then, once the battery was depleted, I would rush back home to tuck myself in next to my boys. On the following day, well, I’d need a piece of my solitude back. In the days and weeks to follow, I’d be restoring my strength by turning inward. As a result, I’d be the happiest when alone, with my family or surrounded by a teeny-tiny, carefully chosen group of like-minded individuals. At the weekend, you’d see us having a coffee downtown, hubby and me (and our little prince). In the evening, we’d read something, watch a movie, or hold each other’s hands and keep silent.

together alone.PNG

When he’s chatty in the morning, which can be terribly annoying, he’ll respect my need (not my wish) to remain mute until after my first coffee. So, when I’m cranky or seem distant, don’t jump to conclusions, honey. It might just mean I’m not in a mood and need some time by myself in order to recharge, as all introverts do.

I have always been interested in having a talk with my own inner being, nurturing my mental space and maintaining unity with the self. When I get stressed out, this connection often breaks or gets lost and I can’t seem to find it, nor do I know where it’s gone. Sometimes it is only later that I notice it’s not where it should be. Luckily, I manage to get it back sooner or later, though it sometimes takes ages. I think it is essential we learn the value of talking to ourselves. However, I’m susceptible to engaging in deep, transcendental conversations with myself between 2 and 4 AM, the downside of these late chitchats being that once my night’s sleep is broken, instead of snoring like the rest, I’ll end up blinking while staring at the stars on the ceiling.

I’m generally outgoing. But not all the time. I love people. But not all the time. These days, I’ve been talking only when necessary, not because I want to draw attention to myself. I don’t talk for the sake of talking, as some extroverts frequently do. Remember a joke about the pet dog that, to his owner’s surprise, starts speaking one day? When asked why now, the dog replies he didn’t have anything interesting to say. Now, what does this have to do with our topic? Well, lots of people are prone to thinking that introversion is nothing but shyness or a lack of confidence. WRONG. Pensive introverts act pretty much like the dog, speaking only when there’s something worth the mention. Therefore, we shouldn’t confuse introversion with shyness. Interestingly, extroverts can be somewhat shy or insecure, which is not the first word you would normally associate with them, right? The thing is, shyness is all about fear. Even though extroverts talk all the time, they often times use their extroversion to hide what they’re afraid of or insecure about. Paradoxically, this might be precisely the thing they are apparently good at, such as fear of social encounters. Some of the fears many extroverts are facing are: fear of being misunderstood, fear of being misjudged, fear of not being liked, fear of not being accepted, fear of being rejected, fear of being shallow, fear of being perceived as shallow, fear of being seen as shy, fear of not being funny after all, fear of not being fun to be around, fear of confiding, fear of not being smart or well-read enough. So they talk and talk often about total crap because it’s expected of them and because our society loves outgoingness and cheap entertainment. Deep down, they want to belong and since human nature is based on interaction with one another, it’s kind of inevitable not to talk. So they do, sadly for the most part to hide their insecurity. It’s like with extreme sports. Giving boost to risk appetite is a way to overcome your fears. For example, people who are afraid of heights might engage in skydiving. A direct confrontation with what one dreads has proved to be an efficient way to come to grips with one’s anxiety and nervousness. Extroverts can indeed be shy and bound by their fears, often pretending to be what they are not. I also put an act every now and then when I want to hide some flaws but, unlike some chatty extroverts, I’ll withdraw afterwards to be alone and reconsider.

Alrighty then, so I’m definitely both extroverted and introverted and I believe the two could be quite complementary. In my case, this is not necessarily an either/or sort of thing. I like both and need both to recharge.

Finally, if you’re ‘only’ an extrovert and can’t stop talking, you generally lead a pretty varied lifestyle, using networking opportunities smartly and having more doors opened.

If, by contrast, you’re ‘only’ introverted, do not despair. It means you’re probably a clever clogs, deep and contemplative. Haven’t you heard? Introversion is the current meme du jour.

Author: Blogging_with_Bojana

I'm diggin' Need to grow, have to push Flicking through vinyl and feeding the rush I dig for that one and I open the haunt It's takin' all day from the back to the front I'm diggin' and diggin' You know Sorry baby I'm gone diggin' www.bloggingwithbojana.com

100 thoughts on “THE ENIGMA OF THE CHATTY INTROVERT, Part 2”

  1. I really like when something of yours shows in my reader!

    (I didn’t say chatting them up, so stop moralizing! Even if I had, don’t look so shocked, Nigel!)

    1. Who’s Nigel, and why would he be shocked?
    2. Obviously the phrase “chatting them up” has a meaning different from chatting with them. It is not one which I am familiar for defining.

    I think I can see the duality of your “verts” from getting to know you some, albeit via a limiting set of mediums. I think your “boys” are luckier than they know.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. You like to read as much as like to comment (and vice versa). To answer your questions:
      1. This is a reference to a movie by Roman Polanski- Bitter Moon, which, unless you saw it, is a must. A passenger on a cruise ship (a buttoned-up tight-ass) meets an eccentric couple. While being infatuated by the wife, the husband unravels a piece of their wild romance. At one moment, unconventionality tells conventionality: Don’t look so shocked, Nigel. I’m trying to broaden your horizons.

      2. engage someone in flirtatious conversation /BrE, I used it on purpose, chat vs. chat sb up

      Now, I say sth like thanks for stopping by. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. The distinction between introversion/shyness is interesting. The story of the talking dog is a perfect example… but not for my dog. If he could talk, I think he’d never stop 🙃😆

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Personal preference, leave me alone; introvert. The external expectations, (pulling me into the ‘caped extrovert’ to the rescue) “Where’s Kim?” “You must come.” Outward persona; talkative, the one with the answers, the one who can make the rules, yet, be nice. I am the ‘cooler’ in uncomfortable situations. The ONE who everyone NEEDS when facing difficulty… I have met strangers in public restrooms, bars, restaurants, retail stores, etc. that tell me their life stories. I am surrounded by energy vampires. My only recourse is to be by myself to re-charge. So, being an introvert is suppose to be cool but it is impossible for me to achieve that ‘coolness’ when I need to put on my damn cape all the time.~Kim

    Liked by 3 people

  4. As I read along, I became aware of the nature of my own duality, again, and how my youth was not what I thought it was. Yes, you’ve changed the perception of my evolution. I thought I was a young introvert that became an extroverted adult, through practice, but instead … I believe I was a shy and scared extrovert when I was young. I think (gasp) that I am a shy and scared extrovert (at times) now.

    This requires another dismantling of Tom. I will return to this thread upon conclusion. 😏

    P.S. Wow!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I’ll be here waiting.
      BTW, ‘at times’ is ok. Aren’t we all at some point in our lives? Let’s not be so hard on ourselves. It’s only human. On the other hand, the ability to see it and willingness to fix it, if possible, implies looking deep, which isn’t what many people would do. Having said this, you belong to the conscious few. We are not and cannot be perfect but we’ll be more at peace with ourselves if could come closer to the reasons (what’s bothering us and why is it we act the way we do). What are we hiding? Why is it so difficult to show our flaws. We can’t always run away from who we are but trying is a good start to coming closer to the real self (instead of fulfilling the expectations of the others).

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha. What about the paragraph, that was very nice.
        I just recommended you to sb. How nice was that? (having guilty conscience???)
        I tell you nice things all the time (in a harsher way maybe but that’s my personality and sense of humor talking).
        Our tribe here comprises individuals belonging to the conscious few, as opposed to the unconscious many out there, nodding their heads and having no voice.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I suppose I was being hyperbolic. 😎

        The paragraph thing is unforgettable. I’m a conscious paragraph now!

        Thank you so much for spreading the word of TBT; you are one of the greatest things about the internet, Bojana, and I mean that sincerely! 😊

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Good morning my dear extroverted-introvert. In spite of being a little too long (as I said about the first one) this quasi-Joycian outpouring of your feelings is quite informative about the often contradictory thoughts that we harbor in the Right Hemisphere of our brain ( where there is no good or bad and therefore no reprimand or censure) It feels like one of the daydreaming sequences women like to engage in discreetly to release their emotional tension ; I am precisely writing a blog about it. I liked it very much and I believe you should start writing a novel. By the way, did you read mine or at the very least the excerpt that’s on my page? I just noticed that you started following me, so I will correspond your kind gesture. Noblesse oblige. Un baccione. Arrivederci!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can live with this quasi-Joycian approach. 🙂
      Like him, I like using different styles within a single piece of writing (book would be too big of a bite (for now)): newspaper headlines, parodies, surrealism, a satire of sentimentality… What matters is that form is content, content is form, right?
      Thanks for commenting and since you asked, YES, I’m following you. Read a few already and I’ll be coming back every now and then, don’t you worry about that. One thing you should know about me (which is apparent in my writing) is that I’m very detailed and thorough. So, I’ll see you around..
      BTW, I wouldn’t connect day-dreaming to women alone. Lots of men I know are apt to build castles in the air.
      A presto, B

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have practicing as a neurologist for more than 30 years and I have had direct contact with both male and female’s imagery. Did you read my November blog “The first man that listened to women” cara?

        Liked by 1 person

      1. So glad you finally got tired of moi. Because if you would have carried on at that pace, you would have discovered some of my baddest blogs for women like “The sleepwalker” or worse “The gigolo.” Then you would have shunned me altogether for the rest of your life.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I guess, this was my first read here, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can totally relate. Introvert on some days, extrovert on the others! But, even that’s subjective to an extent, as self-assessment can be tricky!

    Liked by 1 person

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