ME, MYSELF AND I

I’ve been going in the wrong direction for quite some time now (pretty much like this sad world we live in) and getting back on track in my case means opening both my brain and heart. My optimistic pessimism is telling me some of us lost souls are going to recover some time the future after all, though making an accurate prognosis is not that easy. On the other hand, the prognosis about the planet we occupied, well, you know, we screwed up big time. Nevertheless, the fact that it is peopled by hundreds of thousands of eccentric folks, exotic wackos, weirdos, kooks, crackpots, oddballs, screwballs, fruitcakes, geeks, nerds, nutcases, dudes having a screw loose, let off madmen, castaways and misfits gives me an awkward sense of security, however false it might be.

 

Welcome to my HEART & BRAIN REPAIR SHOP.

DR SET.JPG

I am a patient. I am a doctor. I am a nurse. Trust me, being all three at the same time is no fun and can be damn exhausting. Still, I reckon it has both good points and downsides. I can’t think of the benefits right now but I’m sure there are some.

I am excited. I am scared.

You’re right to be wary, but this time I believe we can take my word for it. I have no reason to lie to us.

Who’s that?

It’s me, that is you, that is us.

Wait a sec. You’re going bananas here. Who the hell is ‘we?’ I thought there’s one and only me.

I’ll have to disappoint you; there’s actually three of us.

You mean like in patient-doctor-nurse ME?

I mean ego-id-superego ME, but you can call it any way you please. You know, one’s rational, instinctive and moral being. I guess we’ll have to squeeze in. Don’t just stand there. Move your big ass, will you?

(I hate her smartassness) Let’s drop it for now, shall we, and do the patient-doctor-nurse scene. We can’t keep people waiting.

No problem. You’re the boss.

You bet I am.

 

DOCTOR: You are a sick woman, are you aware of that?

PATIENT: Well, I prefer calling it unwell.

DOCTOR: I don’t recall asking for your opinion.

PATIENT: (to herself) I want a second opinion.

DOCTOR: Nurse, start typing please.

Medical history taken, diagnostic tests performed (MRI, CT, ECG, X-ray, blood pressure, urine and stool analyses, blood, breath and gastro tests. Colonoscopy: uncheck – no colon).

REPORT: Unresolved medical problems. Peculiar condition detected: no disease known to medicine, yet the patient is complaining of the aching soul. Consultations with a psychiatrist and therapist scheduled. Treatment recommended (pain meds a must). Complementary and alternative medicine suggested.

Symptoms of abnormal heart rhythms (investigate the cause of chest pains), abdominal unease, insomnia, absentmindedness, chronic impatience, anxiety, moodiness, tiredness, sadness, and overuse of sarcasm.

NOTE: A highly demanding, uncooperative and contradictory patient, aggressive at times. Refuses conventional drug treatment. Extra effort required!!! (Consider tying up the patient in follow-ups). Long period of healing ahead.

FUTURE COURSE OF ACTION: Proceed to treatment ASAP: reducing inflammation, finding causes, looking deep, looking back (not in anger).

Should the patient show no signs of recovery any time soon, please put her on a wait list for an operation.

NURSE: Breast augmentation, Dr. Strangelove?

DOCTOR: No, either brain or heart removal. Time will tell which one she needs less.

 

 

Author: Blogging_with_Bojana

I am a linguist from Serbia in love with teaching, translation, writing and English. I am an art lover, a travel freak, a coffee junkie, a realist with dreams, a mom, a soul searcher and so on and so forth. If I got you interested, please check out my blog: www.bloggingwithbojana.com

61 thoughts on “ME, MYSELF AND I”

  1. Bonjour Mademoiselle,
    Moi je trouve que tu as ta place ici, tu poses de bonnes questions et tu donnes de très bonnes réponses.
    Mais je pense aussi que tu te poses un sacré paquet de questions qui encombrent ton cerveau, synthétise et ne te fais pas autant de mal.
    Plus facile à dire qu’à faire je sais…
    Ne change rien, tu es très bien comme tu es.
    Bien à toi
    Tony

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This is one creative way to express the battles you fight every day. Although this particular line “No, either brain or heart removal. Time will tell which one she needs less” was really powerful but it was kind of sad in a way.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s a reaction of my overreacting with things. I am sometimes too rational and then other times a bit too sensitive so I made a kind of a metaphor. People who profit most nowadays and cope the best in this crazy world of ours are either brainless or heartless.

      Liked by 5 people

      1. I feel like that myself, but I don’t want to be heartless. Sometimes I wish I could be… every time I try to be all cool and say ” I don’t care what you think” I instead blurt out, Unfortunately, I do care what you think, BUT I CAN’T!!!!…as far as losing the mind ( I of course mean brain removal)….sorry that has already happened.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. In a few hours. I made the gravy today with the drippings and stock from yesterday.

        Please do NOT mess with that head or heart. I’ve grown kind of fond of both…and what they are attached to as well.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Here we all are, using whatever mental resources and intuition we have to try to escape a system that’s sicker than we are.

    So that’s why the oddballs, screwballs, etc. give you that sense of security…

    This blog is a journey/escape into sanity. So well done, Bojana!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. My pessimistic optimism tells me there’s nothing wrong with your brain or heart, it’s the rest of the world that needs a doctor. Hang in there with us; I’m going to save the world next Thursday (or the one after that, etc).

    Liked by 4 people

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