I’D LIKE TO PLEAD GUILTY, YOUR HONOR 

In my previous couple of posts, I voluntarily agreed to serve as my own guinea pig. Consequently, I began to dissect moi. I namely allowed some sort of a psychological experiment to be performed on me with the help of dozens of articles, psycho-tests and studies I had found on the topic. Numerous trainers, coaches and therapists aided me in the effort to analyze the non-verbal body language I habitually use, at least the gestures I’m conscious of, like frequent blinking, playing with my hair, scratching my nose, touching my ears and mouth, rubbing my eyes and palms, looking away, raising my eyebrows, crossing my arms and legs, putting my hands in my pockets etc.

 

I figure, things are not quite as gloomy as they look. Some people, myself including, have just developed bad habits. Even greatest people use such hand/leg gestures so this doesn’t really prove anything, does it?

You’re doing it again.

Doing what?

Running away. Hiding. Defending, Explaining, Justifying yourself.

I am not. Plus, a professional coach said that ‘body language signals should always be read in clusters for more accuracy.’

Precisely.

Yes, precisely. It depends on quite a few factors, such as the situation and company we’re in (do we feel comfortable or not), then our mood and so on and so forth.

(pause)

OK, maybe I am. Big deal. Who isn’t?

This is about you, not other people, so stop comparing. Besides, these are the cons we’re discussing here, remember? So shut your mouth and let me finish this. God you’re annoying! If you’re more into bragging, you need to go one step back.

OK, knock yourself out.

 

Hem-hem (throat cleaning)

Where was I? Yes, this is what my online self study showed.

WORST CASE SCENARIO (or ‘when the body closes, so does the mind’):

As Freud explained it, ‘virtually all speech errors are caused by the intrusion of repressed ideas from the unconscious into one’s conscious speech output’ (thanks Ziggy, you’re a real pal). That’s why I’m often tense, impatient (hence fidgety and restless), vulnerable, uneasy, agitated and in distress. I often don’t know how to relieve persisting feelings of frustration, stress and sadness. I have difficulty opening up to people. I’m often reserved, untrustworthy, suspicious, and reluctant to change my mind (hence my ‘you didn’t convince me’ face/attitude). When I lock (e.g. my ankles), I’m mentally biting my lip. Gosh, this is scaring me. It’s getting serious, doesn’t it?

My body language generally reveals a defensive attitude and a wish to be protected (or at least not attacked), as well as a desire to wipe my worries away, i.e. unwillingness to express certain thoughts and emotions. I hate to lose control, thus choosing self-soothing acts which offer me a sense of comfort and security.

I am the Female Alpha: dominant, demanding, authoritative and bossy. I can be passive-aggressive and aggressive at times. I am angry at life for the disappointments or abuse I have suffered.

angry birds.JPG

Next, I unconsciously feel the need to frequently moisten my lips because tension reduces saliva flow. Furthermore, licking my lips shows I crave something (be it a kiss, love or just chocolate). I am flirtatious. Guilty as charged.

guilty.JPG

However (this list is getting longer and longer), I symbolically deny any access to my genitals (Back off, will you? Can’t you see my chastity belt?), namely when I feel insecure and want to withdraw emotionally from the conversation. I am an introvert, energized by being alone. OK, I’m confused now. How can an extrovert be an introvert at the same time? (Make sure you look into it.)

I can’t turn off. I have to work. I strive for flawlessness and setting high performance standards (trust me, perfectionism is a curse, not a blessing). If I’m not satisfied with the outcome or fail to reach my goal, I get depressed. I always think twice. I prefer logic and forethought to making spur-of-the-moment decisions (which can be quite boring sometimes).

Huh. This was exhausting for you too, right? How do you think I feel?

Now, mind if I pick your brain?

Author: Blogging_with_Bojana

I am a linguist from Serbia in love with teaching, translation, writing and English. I am an art lover, a travel freak, a coffee junkie, a realist with dreams, a mom, a soul searcher and so on and so forth. If I got you interested, please check out my blog: www.bloggingwithbojana.com

68 thoughts on “I’D LIKE TO PLEAD GUILTY, YOUR HONOR ”

  1. Les femmes Alpha, ça a de bons côtés aussi…Mais il faut savoir tempérer parfois !
    J’ai une citation qui me revient en tête : “Dominer n’est pas gagner”, ça doit venir de mes quelques années de Boxe Américaine sans doute…
    Je t’embrasse Bojana, et prends ton temps, je crois que la vie peut être plus simple que l’on croit.
    Bien à toi
    Tony

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Je te remercie beaucoup. Tu es vraiment très gentille.
      Le problème est – je sais tout, et continue à faire autrement. Par exemple, j’apprécie les choses simples de tous les jours mais je suis irrité par une chose aussi simple que ça. Tu comprends?

      Je pars au travail.
      Bisous

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Bojana 👋😗 I see you as a person with quirks, just like all the rest of us. I don’t think the idea is to change, we just have to accept ourselves. I hope your great sense of humor is enough of a balance for your hyperactive and hypercritical mind.

    I also hope I’m not over-analyzing you, but you did ask us to… 😜

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I asked for it, that’s true. And this is what I got?! Kidding. I don’t mind at all. Besides, I’m not easily offended (you can’t do better than that). All comments are welcome.

      I partly agree but in my case I do need to change some things, the bad ones I mean. Other than that, I’ll just have settle with what I’ve got and go on living with myself for the rest of my life.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for this follow-up post. I tried to see myself and my body language in situations as you described them. I found a connection to this statement: “How can an extrovert be an introvert at the same time?”
    I am definitely and Extrovert, yet there are times I find myself withdrawing. I always thought that was due to the E in me losing to the frail side. I know there is a part of me that struggles with acceptance and causes me to question everyone’s motives around me. A trust sort of thing. It is small, but VERY powerful, and can take over if I let it roam free.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I’m “upping the stakes” to stalking…. JUST KIDDING! but I did try to add you on facebook and I can’t find you (the link just takes me to my profile). Not sure if that’s intentional or not. I have enjoyed “chatting” with you, and I’m sure I will see you around, but it’s couch time (not pyschological couch time) but tv time nonetheless…. enjoy what’s left of your evening

        Liked by 1 person

  4. The problem with typology studies (which I love, btw) is it’s hard to peg any of us down to sixteen categories. I’m definitely an extrovert who loves to spend time alone. I’m an intuitive man who demands external proof. A thinking man very much in touch with, and driven by, his emotions. An improvisational man and list person, too. We are all dichotomous. I am Jung’s Fool, foremost, but his Sage, as well.

    Or is that the other way around?

    I am learning a lot about myself through your internal study and external reportings. Here’s hoping all of our answers lead us to more questions; the journey itself is an intoxicating reward! 😉 🍻

    Liked by 3 people

  5. You actually sound rather normal to me. Seriously.

    I’m not sure it’s possible for most of us square pegs fit into a round hole, because we are made up of opposites. I’m surprised you were able to identity all your quirks, gestures, habits and body language clues. Anyway, so is there anything in the worst case scenario that needs to be cured??? 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  6. I think we worriers have a choice—either we don’t worry about why we are the way we are, we just do it, and we worry about other people instead, or we spend a lot of time needlessly trying to get to the bottom of why we do things to the exclusion of wondering how we are impacting on other people’s lives. Simplistic, I know, but I think it’s hard to worry about the entire planet, and be equally distraught about whether we might be crossing our legs too often, or biting our lip, or taking a swing at somebody…

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Yes, ‘needlessly,’ this is the right word. I try to get to the bottom of my moodiness so hence the post. Maybe I should just worry less, right? Easy to say.
      Simplify, simplify, simplify…I often preach it, but rarely practice it.
      Thanks for reading.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Likewise. I worry all the time. I meant I should worry less about things which are less important or those I cannot control. What’s the point, right?
        Enjoy your Sunday, Jane. Hopefully, the weather’s not so dull there like in Munich. BTW, where do you live (if it’s not a secret)?

        Liked by 2 people

      1. If you’re a worrier, you can’t worry too much. That’s one of the things that really annoy non-worriers. I go outside in the freezing cold with a flashlight looking for one of the cats because I worry about the foxes getting her, and husband wants to know why I don’t worry more about what I left on the stove. Priorities. That’s what we don’t have.

        Like

      2. I’m surrounded by the kind of people who are never ready to leave on time, who don’t get out of bed when the alarm goes off, who forget they have an exam, who are still faffing about playing with the cat or whatever when the train goes in ten minutes and they haven’t bought their ticket yet. I’m in a constant state of near heart failure.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. You are very generous in leaving comments on my blog, so I just wanted to stop by your blog and let you know that 😊 Thank you! Okay, I believe I definitely have these ticks I do when anxious. I would tend to put my hands in my pockets, or just rub my hands together to soothe myself. It doesn’t help that my face always has bitch resting face 😂 I am either looking sad, angry or confused when I’m just resting my face 😛 People would get surprised when they smile at me then I smile back 😛 I guess they might be taken back by it 🤔 You know, have you ever watched Vanessa Van Edward’s videos on YouTube? She actually is a human behavior expert 😊 (I hope I got that title correctly) anyways, she gets the science behind why people do the things they do. Fascinating stuff! They say folding your arms when in public gives off an image of being closed off from others, not letting anyone in. Maybe it is true, but sometimes I’m simply cold 😛

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Yes, exactly, I mentioned the arm-leg crossing gesture in one of my previous posts-DO NEUROTICS HAVE A DAY OFF? (a letter to a friend/ shrink, part 2) and how a therapist sees it. We surely can’t generalize but some signals keep repeating with various people so I tried to find a connection. I’m interesting in this stuff.
      Anyway, thanks for stopping by. Nice talking to you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m checking out Vanessa and love her already. There are lots of videos, which is great. Thanks for recommending her.
        One more thing, concerning my previous message -I’m interested in body language, not interesting (though I’m said to be interesting too). 🙂 My son was distracting me. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. You did such a great inner job… I personally think that we can learn more from our own inputs than from Psychology or Psychoanalisis…. But we need to be tough on ourselves (Just like you did, no complacencies) if you want to evolve, so as to speak… I love your post and many of the features you highlighted as to you … kind of make me think of me! (mirror, mirror 😉 ) Wishing you the best 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  9. hmmm the last thing I read is now, mind if I pick your brain? I know you didn’t mean to ask ME if you could pick my brain, but I would appreciate it if you would. Maybe pull it apart, put bandaids where needed, reinstall the mouth brain filter thing (whatever else needs “fixing”…. but maybe we can do that on skype sometime? 😛
    “I am the Female Alpha: dominant, demanding, authoritative and bossy. I can be passive-aggressive and aggressive at times. I am angry at life for the disappointments or abuse I have suffered.” You are off to a great start at analyzing ME

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I’m scratching my ear. What does it mean? Oh, hell, do I care? Maybe my ear’s just itchy. I’m telling you, one of the nice things about getting older (I’m 609) is the it’s easier to say, “To hell with it.”

    Liked by 2 people

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