You know I haven’t been myself lately. Anyway, I’ve been going through a process of introspection and self-analysis, hoping to get some answers so if you don’t mind me asking:
What do you think about my family pathologies, my life choices, my sarcasm, skepticism, and escapism? Did you figure out what my weak points are? What’s your opinion of my perfectionism, impatience, impulsiveness, being a workaholic, pride (and prejudice), selfishness, managerial competence (or shall we say being a bossy bitch), my pragmatism, nagging and moaning? Why do I find it hard to accept a compliment? Why do I prefer giving to getting presents? What do you know about my moodiness? Do you believe I’ve always been straightforward or you can tell I’ve been holding something back? Do you think there’s something I’ve been ashamed of or not comfortable talking about?
Now, what actually really interests me here is my non-verbal behavior – my body language and my gestures, the way I sit, lean, stand, move my arms, hands, legs, feet, then my facial expressions, the way I dress, the colors I choose, the makeup I wear (or my “I’m too lazy to bother putting it on and taking it off” look of the day) and similar stuff. What do you think of my handshake? How do you read my eye-contact (How long can I maintain it? Do I avoid it and when?) Do I look up? Do I look down? Do I look away? Do I roll my eyes (a lot)? Do I blink? Do I wink? Do I stay focused when we talk? How expressive is my face: my eyes, my eyebrows, and my mouth? (The curves of our lips do rewrite history, Oscar.) What does my frown suggest? Do I fidget, blush and/or sweat? (I know I do). What do my slips of the tongue show?
How successfully do I deal with anger-related issues? How do I handle pain? How much has the sister thing changed me? How often do I smile? (Have I forgotten how to?) What do I look like when I’m afraid, anxious, hurt or disgusted? Am I demanding? Am I supportive? Am I forgiving? Am I vain?
How do you know I find something annoying, scary, tedious or bewildering without my putting it into words? How do you know anything unless I verbalize it? Do you know it because you’re a shrink (=a good listener) or because you’re simply perceptive and intuitive? How come some people fail to notice things without me being explicit? How is it possible that they’ve known me all my life and yet know me so little?
Am I truly happy? Do I strike you as a satisfied person? Would you be surprised if I told you I wasn’t entirely?